Why newcomers have premarital phobia
May is the romantic wedding season.
However, some prospective newcomers who are about to set foot on the red carpet suddenly hesitated at the door of the marriage hall.
They each hold different reasons, fear and worry about their future marriage and life, and dare not take the final step.
Expert analysis shows that these prospective newcomers have suffered from “pre-marital phobia.”
Before the wedding, “Escape Bride” Julia Roberts starred in a blockbuster movie “Escape Bride”, which talked about the young woman Margie’s four escape marriages because of fear of marriage.
But now, after the arrival of the wedding season in May, the real-life version of “Escape Bride” is being staged frequently.
Lin Fan, 26, is a beautiful bride-to-be, and her marriage is set for early May.
However, she should have been immersed in sweetness to prepare for the wedding, but she became more and more serious.
“The moment he asked me to marry a bunch of roses, I was really excited, so I agreed without thinking.
But the marriage was getting closer and I started to feel that I was not ready to get married.
“Before the door of marriage, Lin Fan took a serious look at his future life for the first time:” I saw the married girlfriends around me, and they hurried home after work and went to the supermarket to buy a big one.Pile of food, every day the topic is either husband or child.
I’m afraid I will become like this after I get married and no longer have a free life.
“It is especially painful for Lin Fan that she found out that after her fiance entered the countdown, her fiance seemed to become a person who loved calculations overnight.
In the process of renovating a new home, he often struggled with the salesman for a long time in order to save a few dollars in material costs.
In Lin Fan’s opinion, this is almost the same as the previous generous and decent boyfriend.
In addition, the topic between the two people became monotonous and tedious. Once, the fiance and Lin Fan talked about who would manage the financial affairs after marriage. Lin Fan felt that the fiance was too careless, and the last two broke up.
After much hesitation, Lin Fan made a request to delay the marriage.
Another prospective bride, Wang Yan, has been dating her boyfriend for 6 years, and marriage has become a natural occurrence.
He has always been harmonious with each other, but since the day of marriage was set, Wang Yan has become a little nervous.
“I don’t know why. We have had a lot of disputes recently. There was a big quarrel over small things like handwritten or printed wedding invitations.
“In the end, their marriage plan had to be temporarily suspended.
At the door of the marriage palace, what is it that makes these prospective brides falter?
Collective worry about the “post-80s” Wang Yuru, president of a city psychological association, said that these quasi-newcomers were suffering from “pre-marital phobia” because of their desire for perfect marriage and love.
At present, as people born in the 1980s have entered the marriage hall one after another, the “symptoms” of “premarital phobia” are more apparent in them.
Wang Yuru believes that although the “post-80s” lifestyle is modern, their vision is also in line with international standards, but their lives, especially marriage life, are basically more traditional, so they are psychologically, or inIt is customary not to be fully prepared for marriage.
As such, they are a generation who grew up independently. They have no experience with their siblings in their families. Therefore, they feel uncomfortable to stay with each other every day after marriage.
And the only child has always been used to accepting the care of others, and he is not good at caring for others and taking on family responsibilities.
At the same time, social media ‘s superimposed “propaganda” on marriage life has exposed too much the dark side of marriage and made some “post-80s” feel an intangible pressure, which caused excessive anxiety about their married life and fear of marriage failure.
It is said that Wang Yuru introduced that there are more women than men among people with “pre-marital phobia”, and there are also large differences in the causes of fear of marriage between men and women.
Men’s worry about marriage is mainly to consider whether they can bear the burden of the family. In their view, marriage is both their longing and a burden.
A few days before their marriage, they would suddenly find that there are so many things after marriage that they have to “carry” and “stand up”, and suddenly feel the pressure.
For women, their fears are more exacerbated and they have no confidence in the stability of the marriage. They are worried that marriage will change and love will not last long.
Don’t hold your marriage too high Expect an ancient foreign folk tale: One day, a young girl went to the cellar to get wine, accidentally fell when she went up the stairs, broke the bottle, and broke her hand.
Suddenly she thought, if in the future, if her child went to the cellar to get wine, he would also fall and break his hand, how terrible!
She cried sadly at the thought.
When her mother heard the news, she cried when she heard that her grandson might be injured in the future.
The subsequent grandmother also heard about this “future in the future,” and the three cried.
This story sounds ridiculous, but isn’t what “premarital phobia” fears is “future in the future”? Wang Yuru believes that, in fact, modern people are always worried about completing all stages of life, not to mention the big thing like marriage.
The “Life Change and Stress Sense Scale” compiled by psychologists scores the magnitude of stress caused by some common life events. It shows that the pressure of divorce is 73 points, and the pressure of marriage is 50 points.It shows that marriage makes people realize that stress is normal.
Therefore, Wang Yuru suggested that if you really feel stressed before you get married, do not prevent yourself from doing an assessment and analysis: what psychological concerns are bothering you?
Or, you can talk to your partner and discuss the solution together. Two people are more likely to be stressed than one.
To eliminate the “pre-marital phobia”, the key to prospective newcomers is to have an illusion of marriage life, not to have too high expectations, but to clearly recognize that the birth of a new family means responsibility and dedication, and that both parties must be dedicated to the familyDo your best.